i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
