Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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