Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
