it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
