And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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