Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
