He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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