Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
