Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
