Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
