Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
