Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
