Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
