Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing