I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch