It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15