Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
