How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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