yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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