We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i think my cat just said my name.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.