my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun