Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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