I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
