Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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