They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
