shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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