I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My life is pants optional.
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