Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
