the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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