This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
