at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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