Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
