Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
