I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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