i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
