i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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