Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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