I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
