I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
