Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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