So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
