oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
