She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
