SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
