I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
