thus making me awesome and them whores
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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