Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
