drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
