Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
