so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
