Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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