At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
