..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
