allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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