i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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