I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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