Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
