Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
