He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Two words: blizzard sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
