Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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