Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
