just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
