I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
