I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
