I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
