This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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