Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
