drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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