He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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