you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
