I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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