i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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