Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
