So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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