She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
