I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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