So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
