how can u be prego again
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
