id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
