Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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