Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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