we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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