Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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